Happy Halloween (a poem on mental health)

*trigger warning*

 

This house is haunted.

There are doors that slam in the night and

I feel cold hands slip into mine

from time to time

This house is cold and

I am followed by a ghost that

Makes me shed my skin from now and again

But it is far from dead

It is alive and screaming in the evenings

An unhappy family is a noisy one.

This body is haunted

No need for a costume

I have a wardrobe full of masks and capes and witches hats

To keep me warm on a cold night

Footsteps run from the back of my head to my eyeballs

And voices loud enough to make me shake

My body feels like a skeleton on bad days

My body is a skeleton some months

My mind is haunted

My brain a living nightmare playing over and over and over

And there is no running away from a mind you can’t escape

There are no nightlights in my head to keep the monsters away

Even on days where the only sound I know is

the beating of my heart on the inside of my skull

But I am not scared of monsters

You learn to steady the tremble

And sit through the jump scares

And wait for the morning

 

 

 

 

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Recovery is a field. 

Some days recovery is a field. And a yellow weed is growing in a beautiful ploom in the centre. 

It takes your energy and all of your strength to pull the weed (as beautiful and wild as it seems) out of the ground. But when you turn around there are hundreds of new weeds, some of them yellow, some of them green and blue and purple and crimson, sprouting up from the earth. 

Then you realise you need a helping hand to get rid of the weeds. You enlist family, friends, therapists and doctors to help you clear your field. It feels good to have a helping hand. 

From time to time weeds pop up here and there but now you have a team to help you pluck them away and help the earth beneath you heal. As seasons change and sun shines the condition of the field changes and varies but it always remains your field. 

And soon you see flowers blooming on the grass in vibrant colours and shades. A fiesta of energy and life. 

Other days recovery is a battlefield.