A Penny- a poem

~Living in a household of abuse and shouting almost constantly is no way to live~

A shout (a low voice)
A shout (a higher one)
A shout
Is all it takes for me
To become the size of a penny
And for the roof to come crashing down
A little penny
Rolling between his fingertips
Rolling down the stairs
Chased by a cat with moons in her eyes
Cold and metallic
Like blood in my mouth
Rolling with my thighs and feet up in the air
A penny
Inside a piggy bank
With no plug to pull
And I will roll away

 

 

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Emotional abuse: my experience, the signs

~in which I share my own experience of emotional abuse through signs that I noticed on reflection of my childhood~

  • Being ignored, unsure of what I have done to deserve this, for extended periods of time, meanwhile parental roles were neglected. Often Y was left to look after me while X refused to acknowledge my existence, even while I was very young. 
  • Fear and anxiety when X is talking to me or nearby, I find myself wanting to keep any contact to a minimum. 
  • Discomfort and unease with any phsycial contact. 
  • X was often found to be reading my diary or searching my bedroom while I was not there- this was a strong breach of my privacy. X often looks through my bin. 
  • X often would control how much money I spent and what I spent my money on. Y was often not allowed to spend money unless it was approved by X. 
  • X controls and decides for me some of my major life decisions, such as what options I was taking for a level and what degree I would like to take at uni. 
  • Y feeling like she wants to escape the partnership, yet feeling powerless to do so. 
  • X often expresses anger undirectly through sarcasm, slamming of dishes and talking down to Y and I. 

    Stay strong,

    Emma.